It has been like decades ago since I last wrote. Nothing much have changed. No matter how hard I tried to change myself I can't. For one reason, it is awfully hard. I am still addicted to Coldplay, I now have a deeper crush with Guy Berryman. I also like the bands The Fray, OneRepublic and dashboard Confessional. We're now on vacation but I only have two more weeks left, three I guess. What i know is the time that is left is super short. I am still the same person and that's what i'm frustrated about. I want to change for the better but i can't. you can guess that I am bored, that is the reason why i am writing. before, i wasn't because I entertain myself with COLDPLAY stuff and BASKETBALL. I am a big LAKER fan. Especially PAU GASOL. I think he plays great. I know Kobe's better but Kobe won't make it alone. I am writing now because I'm waiting for a download to finish but I do think that it would be quite impossible as its progress is quite slow. By that I mean a percent per ten minutes slow. I think that's slow enough. I've been looking at some GUY BERRYMAN photos I found on tumblr. That person has some awesome photos. Oh, I forgot to mention that I also adore JASON MRAZ. He's the greates lyricist, in my opinion. I like how he writes songs and play with the words. I wish that I could do that someday too. I've been tweeting a lot lately. I think I made my twitter account less than a year ago but i already have almost 1,700 tweets. That is about a tweet per minute when I am online. I enjoy tweeting and getting inside other people's heads. It's fun, really. I am hoping to do well at school. I just wish i would be more responsible and you know, more studious. I think that's every student's problem. It's pretty damn hot here in the Philippines. I never sweat this much before. Is it normal for a person to enjoy switching channels so much? I am already getting into the nerves of my family by doing that. Also is it possible for a person's body clock to be messed up? The past few days, I'm a day late. Not exactly but right now, I am writing but it's already morning here. I haven't slept yet. i sleep in the afternoon sometimes. But mostly I would sleep in the morning and then wake up in the afternoon. I'm a bit worried because when i pull my eyes down, the part that is supposed to be red is already whiter than it should be. I've been trying to sleep at the right time but I end up lying in the bed awake for hours. That's it for now. I'm leaving some pictures of the people that got me obsessed.I'm actually scared of myself already.(pictures from Pau Gasol's facebook page, and a tumblr page dedicated to Guy Berryman)

"Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic...

If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah!
-Paramore, brick by boring brick

I've started imagining since I can remember. It's a bit of an addiction already. Whenever i can't get the thing I want in the real world, i get it in the world i made up. It's a nice feeling. At first it was just material things and having fun with my real life friends. Then it grew to celebrities being in it. And just last year, I began imagining my own friend. I am not saying that my friends in real life are worthless...It's just different. there are things I can't tell them, there are things that they don't understand. The friend I imagined understand me.......Even my tantrums and stuff. I do not have just one friend....I have about twenty in my head... And they are based in real people.

Now I regret doing that because now I can't escape. I don't know how to stop turning onto them whenever I'm sad. Now it became really hard for me to accept the wold I'm in. The life I am living. I want to stop already. Iw ant to stop. But every time something go wrong, I turn to them. They save me from embarrassment, from humiliation. I don't know how or why, but I just feel really good whenever I think of them. I don't think it's anything serious because I know that they are just in my head.

Recently, someone I like, well, I wouldn't see him again for a certain reason. it's pretty hard to forget him too, because....I imagined him in my head. I imagined my self talking to him and coming up to him. But in real life, I never did that. Now I want to do that. I can't. I think letting go of something like that is easy...... It is. The only problem is I imagined a lot in my head. I can't forget them. I can't forget that person.

I realized everything while I was listening to Paramore's song at school. I don't think that my life is tragic....maybe just a bit. And I made a world of my own. I can't hold it in my hand, I can't see it. But I can feel it with my heart. Though, I still have to bury my castle.

Yes, I have to bury my castle, but I still hold the choice. I am holding on to MY world. The world that made me feel important. The world that made me feel happy. The world that loves me for who I am. the world that took me away from the world that make me feel ignored. The world that made me cry. The world that judged me.

I WILL HOLD ON TO MY WORLD AS LONG AS I CAN FEEL IT WITH MY HEART. I don't have to see it, I don't have to touch it, I just have to believe.

I CREATED THAT WORLD SO I CAN ERASE WHATEVER I WANT TO DISPOSE. I can forget you.



(picture from coldplay.com)

= I MISS YOU in your FRENCH revolution uniforms....



_________ for the oracle of my world.......bye-bye...

I don't know why but I am so happy today...I don't know if it's because we'll try to watch New Moon tomorrow....I just feel relief...We've finished our Monthly Examinations and it just feels so great....Gasol's back in the game and I really wished for that...I'm hearing pleasant music...Coldplay's working on their next album...Only thing I am sad about is House m.d., I want to watch the sixth season and the last episode of the fifth....I don't really know what to write in here....I think i'll flunk our Math test though...It's incredibly hard...Anyway I am loving Snow Patrol but I love Coldplay more.... I don't like the guy I told you I liked as much as I did before....I don't know why...Maybe I just liked him because I was curious...Anyway I think i did fine in the second grading...that's cool, really. I missed Roadie #42 and he's back either...It feels good! totally good! I wish that this moment would freeze...I am finally happy!!!

"I want to make myself believe that the Earth turns slowly"

[picture from coldplay.com]

Whoa...I haven't written for quite a long time. There are a lot of things that happened. I don't know where to start. Anyway, today until Friday, we are having our PEHM week, or sports fest. Sounds like fun but it isn't. I hate the sun and I hate being tired so it isn't at all fun. I don't care though. This is way better than having classes in the classroom. I also started watching Gossip Girl and of course i got attached to it. Who wouldn't? Chace Crawford is so hot. I had my tests. Second Quarterly tests. I hope they're better than my First Quarterly examinations. Did I tell you something about a guy in school that I like? Anyway, I still like him. I didn't thought that what i felt before is THIS serious. I always want to see him. I want to talk to him. Sometimes I hate the girls that hang-out with him. Quite crazy. I want to get his attention too. The bad thing is I never do. I don't know why but I am really sad now. I also watched Final Destination 4 and it is so gross!!!! Well it has always been but I didn't watched that kind of film for quite a fairly long time. I really hope that we could win tomorrow when we play. It is quite impossible cause our opponent would have like two varsity players but you now, our class has none. We are pathetic. I still miss House. I can't buy the DVD because it costs too much. I also miss Coldplay, I've been watching interviews lately. Chris is so funny and he's a mad man. I also found a video where Guy talks a lot. haha.. he doesn't talk that much. I wonder what the next album is goin to be like.

I feel terrible today. I don't know if it's becasue my limbs hurt or because of another-matter-I-can't-share-because-my-life-should-still-be-private stuff, or because I didn't see his eyes. you knwo they are really nice and cool. They are beautiful. I hope that sometimes he could notice me.
gotta go,
s
few pics from coldplay.com

We just had our monthly tests...like uh...a day ago and a few hours I guess... I don't know...uhm...It has been busy lately doing all the school stuff....Okay, I didn't had time for my blog but I did for twitter...haha...I really enjoy that one, I don't know why...I know that no one cares about what I'm doing but still I enjoy that one...Anyway, Katy Perry's going to have a concert here in the Philippines and I really want to go and see her...but again, I can't. I don't have enough money...how sad...I want to atch all episodes of Grey's Anatomy and of course house M.D...Again, I can't cause I got a lot of more important things to do...I can feel the tour ending already...The Coldplay site has already got this button for the archives...Even if the tour ends they are still my favourite band no matter what...They are awesome. I got a runny nose recently, and it is pissing me off... I don't want to go to school anymore, I'm just so sad there...Even if I got another crush, nothing helps you know...Yesterday I could feel that I am happy...that was just like a nanosecond. But in reality that was around ten minutes but then I clicked a link and there goes my happiness vanishing into thin air...And hey, the 6th National Pilgrimage was held yesterday too...i was there cause we needed to...Anyway, I am alone in our house right now, reminiscing what I could. They are away, uhm, at the mall or somewhere else. I never realized that I do like being alone, just now. I don't know what to do with my life, I don't know what I want and I don't know what i am in. I am incredibly lost. I realized that thing just now too....hmmm...let's see, oh, there, uhm, Love Drunk is cool too.,.. Me an my friend have been singing that in a no pleasant manner at school lately. It just keeps poppin on our heads and there goes our voice following whatever our brain says. Miley's Butterfly Fly Away is awesome too... I don't know but I keep using awesome this day...and "I don't know". I'll go already, buh-bye to whoever reads this which I think is no one but myself....

> "Man there's so many times
I don't know what I'm doin
Like I don't know now."
Rob Thomas, Her Diamonds

We already received our report cards, and mine is crap. Lowest grades I got since I don't know. Well what could i do...just accept. uhm I'll do my best this quarter. Well not the best because I don't know how to give my best. i always fail at doing that thing. The tour is really coming to its end I can feel it. sigh...sigh...sigh...I like Jonas brothers'fly with me...maybe because of the peter pan and wendy part...cause I love tinker bell..haha lame idea....well who the hell cares....i'm not in the mood for leaving pictures so i'll go now...and check out my facebook...